Anasthesia: A Poem

I am the opposite of amnesia,

Because I remember with impressive intensity,

Because I remember with intimidating alacrity,

Memories under anaesthesia

Of hearing, seeing, touching you.

But never for real feeling you.

And though I can remember the exact hue of your eyes,

The way lavender and lemon lavishly loved your skin,

Each ebony lock teased into an individual bobby pin,

And how your face came alive in gleeful surprise.

The sly smile when you finally got what you wanted,

The bell-peal laughter when your every wish was granted.

Your smiles, your laughter were intoxicatingly beautiful.

And I was the lucky fool who got it all.

I can remember the perfect crystal of each tear,

As they fell one by one into a painful purgatory.

And I was it- your anger, your disappointment, your fear.

I couldn’t take it, being the villain of your fairy-tale story.

You couldn’t fake it: the dented armour left you unimpressed.

Amusement turned to agony. Fascination turned to frustration.

In peacock blues and stupendous scarlet you dressed.

I hovered to the side, your rusted attendant, placed above his station.

I left for you, you know.

And you say that it was for my sake

You let me go. I know.

We cleaved into two, an even break.

But I’m the opposite of amnesia,

So I remember the hazy medicated quality

Of those happy memories of anaesthesia.

Maybe I was high, but at least I was happy.


The YA 24 of 2014

As soon as Christmas is over, the people around me become almost disgusting nostalgic. Um…and maybe me too.

This year was full of disappointments ones which made me cry and wallow in self-pity. There were a couple of embarrassing moments here and there (probably more than I remember since I have a tendency to block out the bad stuff). But then there were those awesome moments where I met some pretty amazing people or where I laughed so hard, I probably sounded like a beached whale. And looking back at those memories, I kind of wish I could go back to them.

Since 2013, I’ve got the time to collect 31557600 seconds, 365 days, 52 weeks, 12 months or 1 year (however you want to put it)  worth of memories. I have photos to remind myself but like the quote below says,

 You can never truly go back too a time when you were happy.
– Ella Enchanted, Gail Carson Levine

So I’ve resigned myself to treasuring the memories…Unless you’re willing to lend me that secret time machine hiding in your basement; I swear I won’t use it for evil.

Books however, are a whole different ballgame. They are something which can be reread over and over again (providing that they’re good enough). And sometimes, they’re even better the second time around.

This year, I read 811 books. I’ve made a list of my top 24.

Like always, they’re not in any particular order. Also, please note that these books are ones that I have READ in 2014- not necessarily ones published in 2014

  1. Unspoken by Sarah Rees Brennan
  2. by Alexandra Bracken
  3. Midnight Thief by Livia Blackburne
  4. Written in Red by Anne Bishop
  5. Dreams of Gods and Monsters by Laini Taylor
  6. Exquisite Captive by Helen Demetrios
  7. Young Elites by Marie Lu
  8. Sisters Fate by Jessica Spotswood
  9. Sacrifice by Brigid Kemmerer
  10. How to Lead A Life of Crime by Kristen Miller
  11. Catalyst by Laurie Hale Anderson
  12. Revolution by Jennifer Donnelly
  13. Lock and Key by Sarah Dessen
  14. Effortless With You by Lizzy Charles
  15. On the Fence by Kasie West
  16. Beauty Queens by Libba Bray
  17. Cracked by Eliza Crewe
  18. Making Faces by Amy Harmon
  19. Between Shades of Grey by Ruta Septys
  20. Don’t Breath a Word by Holly Cupala
  21. Heist Society by Ally Carter
  22. To All the Boys I ‘ve Loved Before by Jenny Han
  23. Duff (Designated Ugly Fat Friend) by Kody Keplinger
  24. Hate List by Jennifer Brown

So this is looking back at 2014. Next post will be about looking forward to 2015 and New Year Resolutions