I’m Sorry: A Poem

 

People said boys and girls could never be friends.

Not just friends. Not forever.

I thought we could prove them wrong.

Turns out we were on the wrong page

All along. All along.

 

Each time you told me I was beautiful

andsmartandfunnyandsofuckingnice,

did you mean it at all?

I’m sorry for double-­guessing you.

 

How do you think I feel when you say

that all those long hours on the phone

were calculated minutes

as you tried to worm your way into my heart.

I’m sorry I needed to re­evaluate you.

 

I’m sorry you feel the need to blow up,

get in my face when I told you that

I don’t feel the same, never will.

I’m sorry I can’t see the friend

I used to know in your face.

 

I’m sorry that you wasted 3 years on me.

I’m sorry that you felt like you needed to.

And I still don’t think they were wasted.

Even if you aren’t the person I thought you were.

 

We had good memories, didn’t we?

God, this sounds like a breakup doesn’t it?

What will I say next?

It’s not you, it’s me?

I won’t

Because it totally fucking is you.

 

We were friends.

I repeated it to you over and over.

You murmured it back to me

Again and again.

 

And I’m sorry you fell for me.

I’m sorry that you brought me flowers.

I’m sorry that you prepared for hours.

I’m sorry that you tried to kiss me.

 

I’m sorry you got angry.

I’m sorry you slammed your fist into the wall

letting it rain showers of plaster.

I’m sorry you yelled at me

Calling me a nogoodcockteaseslut.

 

I’m sorry you thought I was falling for you.

I’m sorry you didn’t realize I wanted to be friends.

Just friends. Best­friends, maybe.

Nothing more.

 

But most of all I’m sorry that you feel like I owe you

Kisses for every time you smiled at poor, poor me.

Dates for every single time I insisted we go Dutch.

In number of strip­teases for every time you wiped my tears.

A loan to be repaid in sleep-­installments.

 

And I’m sorry.

I’m sorry we’re not friends.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s